Fit
by Syrae
Summary: The universe was mocking her. Ziva knew it.


_AN: This is my first attempt at Tiva, and my first attempt at making Past Present Future better, I guess. Let me know how I did. Enjoy!_

The universe was mocking her.

She could tell. It was all she had been thinking about for eight weeks.

She had decided _not_ to go home with him. Telling him that she needed to know who she was. Who she was without her gun; without her badge, without this connection to violence that seemed to stick to her like the thin layer of sweat in the middle of an Israeli summer.

And she had been so sure. So sure that it was the right thing to do. That this was what she wanted; what she needed to do before going home. Before going to home to him. She had left the house she was born in two days after he left her on the tarmac. Kept a low profile, looking for a job, not staying in a place longer than a few days. It eased her soul. She was helping others, staying in women's shelters and orphanages. She could do good here. She wasn't even carrying a weapon. That alone was a freedom she hadn't felt in years.

The universe was mocking her.

She wandered around for a few weeks. Until she felt queasy in the morning. At first, she blamed it on crossing too many time zones in too little time. But even after she stayed in the same time zone for two weeks, the queasiness didn't let up. It didn't register with her until she skipped her period.

Two pink lines on a stick, and a second stick, just to be sure, told her she was wrong. After that summer in the desert, she knew there was little chance of this _ever_ happening naturally, and yet, here it was. She barely needed the doctor to confirm because she _knew._

The universe was mocking her.

 _I'm fighting for you, Ziva._ He had spoken those literal words to her, outside, in the grove. She'd heard him. She hadn't listened to him, though. His fighting for her, taking four months to find her, his begging her to come home with him hadn't detered her, so determined she was to go find herself. The universe was telling her that she didn't have a choice. She wondered if her place was just with him, beside him. Maybe the two of them could atone for their sins together. He didn't care whether or not she had a badge; he knew she wanted, needed, to change. _I can change with you._

Two pink lines and the promise of a new life... For so long she had thought that this life was not for her. Biting her lip, she looked out over the playground of the latest orphanage she was staying at. A boy with hazel eyes that resembled his, gave her a wide, toothless grin that made her smile. He turned to the girl he was playing with, telling her in no uncertain terms that James Bond would never surrender, especially not to a girl.

The universe was mocking her.

 _I have to let go of everything, or I will be... pulled back to where I started._ The universe told her, screamed at her, that she was wrong. Sure, maybe she had to let go of her badge, her job. She wanted to. She could be someone different, do something different than catch bad guys. She had experienced it these past eight weeks. But it wasn't her path to let go of everything. Everyone. She carried a piece of him, so no matter how much she wanted to let the past behind her, he was part of her future, too. She hadn't realized she was way passed the point of where she started.

She went back to Beer Sheva, hoping for more answers. The child she carried grew as she went through the motions of selling the house. Her own body was now mocking her, too. By the time she had sold the real estate her father had left, she was five months pregnant and it showed. With every kick she felt, she rolled her eyes at the sky. There were things she needed to finish before she went home to him.

The universe was still mocking her.

Finally, after she had shipped what little personal things she had found in any of the houses she to keep, she packed a bag. She had booked a flight, made a plan, and prayed the universe would finally stop mocking her.

She arrived at the office late on a , having checked with security that he was still in the building. Apparently, he worked late more than he didn't. She should be surprised, but she really wasn't. The stainless steel box she had frequented so much took her up to the space with orange walls she knew so well.

The closer she came to her destination, she calmer she felt. She'd gotten rid of her past, much as she could. She realized now that she couldn't walk away. Didn't really want to, either. He was as much part of her past as he was of her present and would be of her future. Some things you just didn't mess with or the universe, she had found, would tell you where you needed to be in no uncertain terms at all.

He was engrossed in a file, squinting at the paper through a pair of glasses she hadn't seen before, but concluded that she liked. It was quiet this time of night, and to be honest, she was thankful for the stillness. He turned a page and scribbled something on the blank paper next to him.

Her child, _their_ child kicked and she smoothed a hand over the skin to calm it down. Yes, she knew she was home now. No more need to mock. Silently, she walked up next to him, her ninja way not forgotten.

"What are you working on?"

It startled him. "Good god, Zi, will you please stop doing that? You'll..." The words died on his lips when he realized what he had said. Licking his lips, he looked up, blinking.

She smiled, still rubbing the spot where their child was kicking. "Hi," she softly said. Now, up close, she could see that he was tired.

"Hi." Throwing his glasses on his desk, he rubbed his eyes, wanting to make sure he wasn't seeing things.

"Are you ready to go home?"

"Are you going to stay?"

She had expected the question and nodded, stepping around the boundary. His eyes grew even wider when he laid eyes on her growing bump. His eyes flicked from her face to the roundness of her belly and within seconds he was out of his chair and in her personal space. Not that she cared. They had never been good with personal space.

He swallowed and bit his lip, searching her face for answers she had been rehearsing the entire flight. "There were things I needed to do. I wanted to, but there were things to do before I could. We're home now. God knows the universe has mocked me enough for not coming home with you right away. We'll change together. We'll fight for us, together."

There were no more words needed. They had always been better without words. So he kissed her, mumbled _I love you_ in her hair, which she reciprocated, and held tight. They would be okay.

The universe was no longer mocking her.


End file.
